• Skip to main content
  • Account
  • Cart
  • Change Country

Insight for Living

The Bible-Teaching Ministry of Pastor Chuck Swindoll

  • Home
  • Broadcasts
    • Current Broadcast
    • Broadcast Schedule
    • Broadcast Archive
    • Series Library
    • STS Bible Studies
    • Ways to Listen
    • Sunday Services
    • Paws & Tales
  • Resources
    • Daily Devotional
    • Insights on the Bible
    • Insights by Topic
    • Article Library
    • Church Leaders
    • Church Resources
    • How to Know God
    • Chuck’s Next Book
    • Video Library
    • Reframing Ministries
  • International
    • About Vision 195
    • International Pastors
    • International Offices
  • Connect
    • FAQs
    • Contact Us
    • Social Media
    • Mobile App
    • Share Your Testimony
    • Bible Questions and Counseling
    • Pray for IFL
  • About
    • Essential Beliefs
    • Chuck Swindoll
    • Questions about Chuck
    • Leadership
    • Where Donations Go
    • Work With Us
    • Volunteer Opportunities
  • Store
  • Donate
    • Give Now
    • Give Monthly
    • My Account
    • Giving Through Stock Transfers
    • Planned Giving
    • Giving History
    • Why Give
    • This Month’s Letter
Home » Biblical Resources » Article Library » Taking Off the Gloves and Making Up

Helpful Links

  • FAQS
  • Contact Us
  • Social Media
  • Mobile App
  • Share Your Testimony
  • Bible Questions and Counseling
  • Pray for IFL

Article Library

Follow us:
Facebook
X
Instagram
YouTube
Pinterest

Taking Off the Gloves and Making Up


By Derrick G. Jeter


“Derrrriiiick!” The yell of my daughter penetrated the walls, entered my ears, and put my nervous system into a headlock. “What happened now?” I thought to myself as I walked upstairs. Just as I reached the top of the landing, both son and daughter zeroed in on me—like stink on a skunk. Then began the verbal boxing match. “Derrick called me ‘girrrrl’”—bam, a rhetorical slap across the chops. “Well, Cierra came into my room”—pow, a verbal sock to the gut. “Well, I was only getting something that belonged to me”—boom, an oratorical punch in the face. . . . And on it went. So I decided to use some cool logic to resolve this fight: “I tell you what, let me get the boxing gloves, and you two can settle this like men.” Heading back down the stairs to retrieve the gloves it dawned on me . . . letting them duke it out probably isn’t a good idea.

Any parent with more than one child has experienced similar episodes. A fight can break out on a moment’s notice. One child took something from the other or used the wrong tone of voice or laughed at the other and, before you realize it, they are going at each other like prize fighters. In such moments, what do you do? Well, I have a few suggestions . . . and getting the boxing gloves isn’t one of them.

Paul tells us that God has reconciled us to Himself through the death and resurrection of Christ. Before we trusted Christ in faith, we were God’s enemy. But now we are at peace with Him. And because this is true, God has given us “the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18).

To bring about reconciliation between warring children, the first thing to do is separate them by sending them to their respective corners—to their rooms or other locations in the house. Speak to each one individually, and try to find out the truth of what led to the fight. Sometimes getting to the bottom of each story takes Solomon-like wisdom, but keep probing until you are satisfied with their answers.

It has been my experience with my own children that one is rarely only trying to defend himself or herself. Usually, some measure of blame can be laid at the feet of both. Nevertheless, one child typically is more responsible than the other. With this child, explain in appropriate language the wrong committed and give a warning about consequences and when they will be carried out. But the key to reconciliation is notifying the child that he or she will have to confess the wrong done to the other child and ask for forgiveness.

Let the offended child know that the offending brother or sister will ask for forgiveness and that you expect him or her to forgive. Often you’ll have to tell this child that you understand why he or she is upset and that you are offering an opportunity for the child to be like Jesus and forgive the sibling.

Then bring the two warring parties together and give the offending child an opportunity to confess what was done and ask for forgiveness. Then gently prompt the other child, if necessary, to extend grace and actually forgive.

Assure both children of your love, and remind them to go about their day—the matter has been settled. Be sure to carry out whatever punishment you deemed appropriate, but, afterward, take that child in your arms and shower him or her with love. And then you, as the parent, close the book on the matter.

Fights are inevitable if you have more than one child. How you resolve these fights, however, can mark your children for a lifetime. If handled appropriately, they’ll learn humility, grace, forgiveness, and reconciliation. And when they have their own children, they won’t have to get the boxing gloves to resolve childhood sparring matches.


Copyright © by Insight for Living, Inc. All rights are reserved.

About the author

Derrick G. Jeter

Derrick G. Jeter holds a master of theology degree from Dallas Theological Seminary and served as a writer for the Creative Ministries Department of Insight for Living Ministries. He has authored or coauthored more than twenty-five books. Derrick's writing has appeared on influential Web sites, and he is a contributing writer for The Christian Post. He and his wife, Christy, have five children and live in the Dallas area. He blogs at www.DerrickJeter.com.

More articles by Derrick G. Jeter

Why Give?

Watch Video

Why Support Insight for Living Ministries

In this short video, Chuck Swindoll explains that Insight for Living can not continue financially without the generosity of loyal friends just like you.

A Timeless, Reliable Guide

Pastor Chuck’s five-message series delivered from the pulpit right before he retired has been compiled into a hardback book. Looking in All the Right Directions is a must-have treasure of wisdom on subjects dear to Chuck’s heart.

Footer

Insight for Living Broadcast

I didn't know much about grace, so I decided to read The Grace Awakening. I have learned a lot about letting people be different than me and realizing that God's grace doesn't condemn me but rather forgives and covers me with His righteousness! I shouldn't be a perfectionist because I can never do everything perfectly. If I let God work through me though, I will be living a life pleasing to Him! —T. Z. from Oklahoma

Help Us Impact Listeners’ Lives

Let’s Keep in Contact

Areas of Interest

Contact Permission

By clicking the "Sign up" button below, I am requesting to receive e-mail communications from Insight for Living, and I agree to allow my personal data to be processed according to their privacy policy.

Welcome

  • Our Mission
  • Chuck Swindoll
  • Essential Beliefs
  • Vision 195
  • How to Know God
  • The Book Shoppe & Coffee

Resources

  • Insights by Topic
  • Insights on the Bible
  • Article Library
  • Daily Devotional
  • Videos
  • Church Resources

Donate

  • Donate Now
  • Stock Transfers
  • Wills and Estate Planning
  • Why Support IFL?
  • Where Donations Go
  • My Donations

Contact

  • Contact Us
  • FAQs / Email
  • International Offices
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Rights & Permissions

© 2025 Insight for Living. All rights reserved.

Follow us:
Facebook
X
Instagram
YouTube
Pinterest