So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself,
and the wife must respect her husband.
—Ephesians 5:33 NLT
The more the grace of God is awakened in a marriage, the less husbands will attempt to control and restrict and the less wives will feel the need to “please no matter what.” It makes marriage easier to manage.
Grace releases and affirms. It doesn’t smother.
Grace values the dignity of individuals. It doesn’t destroy.
Grace supports and encourages. It isn’t jealous or suspicious.
I know whereof I speak. For more years than I care to remember, I was consumed with jealousy. I was so insecure and fearful it wasn’t uncommon for me to drill Cynthia with questions—petty, probing questions that were little more than veiled accusations. It is amazing she endured it. Finally, we had one of those famous showdown confrontations every married couple has had. No need to repeat it, but she made it painfully clear that I was smothering her; I was imagining things she never even thought of doing . . . and it had to stop. Her words hurt, but she did the right thing. I took her seriously.
I went to work on this ugly side of my life. I confessed my jealousy to Cynthia. I assured her I would never again treat her with such a lack of trust. I asked God for grace to help, for relief from the destructive habit I had formed, for the ability to love and give myself to this woman without all the choking conditions. I distinctly recall how much an understanding of grace helped. It was as if grace were finally “awake” in my life, and I could appropriate its power for the first time. It seemed to free me, first in small ways, and finally in major areas. I can honestly say today that I do not entertain a single jealous thought. Grace literally wiped the slate clean.
Taken from Charles R. Swindoll, Day by Day with Charles Swindoll (Nashville: W Publishing Group, 2000), 157-158. Copyright © 2000 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Article Summary:
Through confessing an area of weakness in his own life and marriage, Chuck explains the necessity of allowing grace into your marriage relationship by trusting your spouse and setting him or her free. Jealous, controlling thoughts and behavior that merely reflect one’s own fears and insecurities will smother and stifle your spouse and, therefore, your marriage.
Keywords: grace, freedom, individuality, jealousy, suspicion, trust, insecurity, dignity, marriage
About the Author // Charles R. Swindoll
Accuracy, clarity, and practicality all describe the Bible-teaching ministry of Charles R. Swindoll. Chuck is the chairman of the board at Insight for Living and the chancellor of Dallas Theological Seminary. Chuck also serves as the senior pastor-teacher of Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas, where he is able to do what he loves most—teach the Bible to willing hearts. His focus on practical Bible application has been heard on the Insight for Living radio broadcast since 1979.